Don't Speak
by Mystique Monique aka Mina
Summary: Taichi is dying from cancer and Matt is having trouble letting go. Sweet song fic, longer than most. Adorably Taito.


Recently my uncle died of cancer and here this fic came. It's longer than many song fics, and I know and you know that the song is old but that doesn't make it any less sweet and it seemed to fit. Sad Taito.

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or the song 'Don't Speak' that belongs to 'No Doubt' 

Don't Speak 

By Mina

_You and me _

_We used to be together_

_Everyday together always_

Matt sat quietly, deep in thought. He wore a serene look on his face. Every so often his lips would curl up into a tiny smile. The image played easily in his mind. The both of them so young and shy, the pure sweet chastity of their first kiss, so uncertain yet so glaringly right. Since the admission of their feelings the pair had been inseparable. __

_I really feel _

That I'm losing my best friend 

_I can't believe this could be the end_

Unfortunately he could not hide from reality for long. He remembered the pain that had soared through him. Cancer. The word that knocked his world off axis- hell, it fucking drop kicked his world, his self, his love.

_It looks as though you're letting go_

_And if it's real_

Well I don't want to know 

It was funny how Tai had seemed in such health, but the open admission of the death penalty put a stop to that. Once admitted to the hospital Tai's condition had deteriorated significantly and with frightening speed. The first few weeks Tai had been so strong and as hope reigned. However the endless trail of negative test results had taken their toll. As Matt walked into the now sickeningly familiar room he was met by dead eyes. Tai registered Matt's presence he tried to offer a smile, but it barely reached his lips much less his eyes.

_Don't speak_

_I know just what you're saying _

_So please stop explaining_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

_Don't speak_

_I know what you're thinking _

_I don't need your reasons_

Don't tell me cause it hurts 

Matt sat by Tai as the brunette reminisced. Beneath the rambling Matt knew Tai had something he really wanted to say. Matt knew what it would be and he dreaded the words. Matt had been so caught up in his own thoughts he hardly realized when Tai stopped speaking. This was it. 

"Matt I…" 

Matt placed the tips of his middle and pointer fingers over Tai's lips and hushed him.

"Shh…" he whispered. 

"But Matt I need to-" Matt cut him off. 

"Don't, you're gonna be fine! Just don't!"

Tai gazed up at him sadly and opened his mouth once again to speak. Matt savagely pushed himself off the bed and stalked out the room.

_Our memories _

_They can be inviting_

_But some are all together _

Mighty frightening 

Matt staggered out of the hospital. He was shivering violently partly from the crisp air around him but mostly from the cold within his heart. He tried to block what Tai wanted to say and focused on the better parts of their relationship. The classic walks in the park, watching the sunset together, walking to school together, tumbling into bed together. Together… holding hands, promising never to let go ever… Tai was breaking that promise he was letting go, giving up, tossing in the towel. Suddenly Matt was bombarded. He heard Tai's yells mingled with his own. He could fell a fist connecting hard with his cheek, feel the weight under him as he pummeled his attacker. He almost laughed as he heard one of Izzy's favourite expressions, 'Couple of drama queens!'

_As we die, both you and I_

_With my head in my hands_

I sit and cry 

The thing was that the couple had survived all the mishaps and come out even stronger than before. They were always getting closer and it seemed nothing could pull them apart. At least that's what he had thought and now here was Tai destroying everything they had. Didn't Tai know it was killing him as much as it was Tai. That was how close they were. Matt knew it sounded corny, but he could feel Tai's pain. Now the pain threatened to overwhelm him and he sank to the sidewalk with tears streaming down his face. 

_Don't speak_

_I know just what you're saying_

_So please stop explaining_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

_No, No Don't speak _

_I know what you're thinking_

_I don't need your reasons_

Don't tell me cause it hurts 

Matt stayed away from the hospital for a week. He knew he was hurting Tai, but he just couldn't face him.

_It's all ending_

We gotta stop pretending who we are 

The phone clattered to the floor as Matt stood in a daze. Kari's choked, near hysterical words reverberated through his mind. Tai had almost died. Died. His angel. He sank to the floor in shock as his father ran in. Only then did he realize he had started screaming in terror. The Elder Ishida stared almost fearfully at his son, unsure what to do. He didn't know if he could help anyway, Tai's illness had ruined his son's life. Slowly Matt calmed down. Tai was letting go, he had stopped trying and Matt knew why. There was no longer any use trying to hide from it. The time had finally come. He had to see Tai, he had to, one last time.

_You and me_

I can see us dying…are we? 

Mrs. Yagami was softly crying as both Kari and her father stared blankly ahead. Matt's eyes burned as he waited for them to be allowed admittance. He couldn't believe it. Tai wasn't expected to live through the night. He felt cold and he watched the tears roll down his cheeks in mild amazement. He never would have thought he'd have any tears left. The doctors wore tired expressions as they told the family there was nothing more to be done and they were granted access to bid farewell. Matt trailed in behind them almost afraid of what he'd see after a week away. He forced back the sob as the doctors parted. There was no longer any trace of the bubbly brunette who had been Matt's everything. He may as well have been dead. Though he still lived and breathed Matt knew he was gone.

_Don't speak_

_I know just what you're saying_

_So please stop explaining_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

_No, No Don't speak_

_I know what you're thinking _

_And I don't need your reasons_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

Don't tell me cause it hurts 

The doctors left alone and Matt watched from a distance as the Yagami's had their moment. He didn't want to be there, he wanted to run and hide but he had already done that and it hadn't solved anything. He had to be strong. Matt gave a short bitter laugh at that thought. The Yagami parents gave him a strange look. He had been trying so hard, for so long to be strong that he was both physically and mentally exhausted. And what had he achieved in the end? Nothing. His baby was still being taken away from him. All in all he was useless. Matt continued lost in his thoughts until Kari told him that Tai wanted to talk to him. He nodded as they left the room then turned to face his lover. This was finally it.

_I know what you're saying_

_So please stop explaining_

_Don't speak, Don't speak_

_Don't speak, oh_

_I know what you're thinking_

_And I don't need your reasons _

_I know you're good _

_I know you're good_

I know you're real good, oh 

He walked over to the bed and waited. The chocolate eyes turned to him and the depth of their melancholy was heart wrenching. Matt didn't understand, he didn't want to. Tai was always the one to shoulder the burden and he always did it alone. So why was he being so unguarded now? Why was he letting through the pain? It was almost as if…

"Do I frighten you?" Tai asked quietly.

"No. Of course not. Never." Matt lied smoothly. 

"Then why won't you touch me?" he paused for a moment, "Why don't you hold me anymore?" he continued brokenly. Matt broke down, falling onto his knees beside the bed, picking up Tai's frail hand and whispering,

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. You have to know…" he stopped as Matt tightened the grip on his hand.

"Please don't say it. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us."

"I have to, plus it's not all that difficult you know." They were silent for a few seconds before Tai said his peace. 

"I love you so much. With all my heart. You have to know that. I don't want to leave you, but there's nothing I can do. Live your life, but know that I'll be waiting for you forever and always. So this is it, and I know you don't want to hear this but…goodbye Matt."

The tears came once again as Tai said those dreaded words. It couldn't really be goodbye. Why?

_La la la la la la, la la la la la la_

Don't…Don't 

The hand within his grasp was trembling significantly and the machines were going crazy. The doors burst open as the doctors rushed in. Before Matt was pushed roughly away he saw those once sparkling eyes roll up into the brunette's head. He crept into a corner as they desperately tried to save the writhing body in the bed. Tai let out a scream. He was in pain and Matt was in turmoil. Why couldn't he have died in peace? Why was God letting him suffer so? What had he ever done to deserve this, any of it? The body calmed down, but the doctors continued in vain until Tai's mother screamed at them to leave her baby in peace. Kari was on the floor and her father was failing dismally in his attempts to comfort her and her mother as well as himself. Matt was in his corner and he wept. He wept for all that he had lost, for what had finally been said. It was over, it was done, he was gone. The wail echoed down the halls and into the night for another whose life had been cut senselessly short. 

_Hush, hush darling_

_Hush, hush darling_

_Hush, hush_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts _

_Hush, hush darling_

_Hush, hush darling_

_Hush, hush_

_Don't tell me cause it hurts_

Goodbye.


End file.
